Gold Star Dad

The thoughts of a father who has lost a son to war

Archive for October, 2009

The damned sneaky things…

Posted by fozzynok on 10/18/2009

After almost two years, I finally got out the 80 GB ipod that my son bought and shipped home. We were supposed to put all of his music on it and then have it shipped it over to him in Iraq. Well, that never happened, he was killed before we could get that done. I looked at it once when it arrived and after his death I couldn’t even open the box, it sat in my room in his things. It’s been here collecting dust. My wife finally convinced me that it should be being used and that it was discussed among the family that it should be mine. I got the thing out, its lovely, all black face with a chrome back with my son’s nickname “Pokey” etched into the top. It’s something that I probably would never have bought for myself. He knew all about these things and he bought a pretty top end model.

My wife got the box out and left it out for me to get and use on a trip up to Kansas. I just left it alone for the last few days. Tonight, I got the thing out and started reading and downloading the program that makes it work. I opened the sealed plastic packaging inside the box to get to the rest of the accessories. The more things that I opened the worse that I felt until everything was opened, charging, and music ready to be placed into the thing.. I’m now so damned sad and depressed that I don’t have the will do to anything more with it right now.

Damn I hate this.

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Say a prayer for Snickers.. and ourselves

Posted by fozzynok on 10/08/2009

Today while I was at work, my father who lives in a town nearby sent an email that caught me off guard. I am an animal person and have been for quite sometime, big animals little animals all sort of animals. Animals have always given me a sense of well-being and peace as in my opinion they have much better lives than we “superior” animals do. They live for the day in most cases but maybe a season is about as far as they prepare for. They do not really have the same kind of hate and destructive nature as the human counterparts that they have to share their world with.

Snickers was a cute mixed breed dog (mainly German wire hair) that my dad had become owner of because some great human dumped him as a puppy out in what they considered the country. I’m not sure why morons dump animals like this other than they can convince themselves that they will live some happy life somewhere as a wild animal. They aren’t usually that damn stupid, they do this because for a great part of the world and America, everything is disposable if it doesn’t make the person ecstatically happy at that moment. This dog helped my dad recover from ill health the way most dogs do, this dog just was there when he was needed and you could just feel his concern. My daughter’s dog did the same for me during those dark days of February and the months following. Roofus the Rat terrier was there for me and I love that silly dog for just being there. He knew that something was wrong, he never did anything but be there when I needed him.

My father’s email described that Snickers had gotten away and went “visiting” as some dogs tend to do. He did not return when he should have, the calling, the looking for him, my dad just couldn’t find him. The next morning snickers was on the back porch and had been mortally wounded by someone. He had made it home mortally wounded and was there to be with my father when his injuries finally took him from this world. I opened the email to a picture of my dad holding Snickers when he was just a pup and this message;

“I hope you people will bear with me while I try to get over our recent loss. Last Wednesday we lost our best buddy to an unknown neighborhood squabble. We had a young German Shorthair that was the smartest critter I have ever known. He wasn’t taught to be wary of strangers and seemed to like everything he met, man or beast. He went “visiting” last Tuesday evening and didn’t come back home as usual. We searched and called but he did not return that evening. Early the next morning we found him at the back door with a terrible injury and was almost dead. It appears that he had been stuck with a pitchfork in his right side taking two tines in the side near his heart. He lingered for a short while and then passed away. We had no idea that we were disliked so much but I won’t inquire around just yet because I may not be able to be calm. Say a prayer for “Snickers” for he was a good dog.”

My heart instantly broke for my dad because I have lost some really good pets in the past, it was not until I typed my reply that it hit me what I had written, I typed that “at least he made it home to those who loved him the most before he died” . I read that and the last couple of years of feelings came flooding back to me..and really upset me. I had to go outside for a while and recover. The guy I was working with probably thought I’d lost my mind. It shouldn’t have effected me that way and it caught me completely off guard. The loss of the my son and all the other brave men and women in the combat zones and especially the troops this last week have just made me feel a little helpless in being able to do anything to help. Now this cute little dog’s death, which meant nothing to anyone but a select few has really brought these feelings to my heart. So as my dad said in the last line of his message.. Say a prayer for Snickers, and while you’re at it, say a prayer for all of us stuck in a world where so few others really care for us.

Snickers

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