Gold Star Dad

The thoughts of a father who has lost a son to war

Archive for May, 2010

Fare the well Brothers

Posted by fozzynok on 05/11/2010

I knew that it was going to happen and in the back of my mind knew that nothing would stop this. I added one of my son’s brothers on facebook only to read that this very day, He is deploying with the Unit that we have followed for so long. This brought back a lot of memories and a lot of feelings both good and bad. We made the journey up to see Micheal off with all the sense of foreboding, angst and pride. I remember watching Micheal and his best friend nervously move about preparing to go. A whole new group practically is going off to fight the same foe, the war continues and the same percentage if not more will not even bother to notice than a brave wonderful group of men are going off to hostile, unfriendly shores to do their best for us. I made that trek up to Fort Campbell to see my son off and to start the agony of the wait, the 24/7 cycles of worry and glee when the phone came alive with my sons voice or a new message would pop up on one of the messengers. A whole new flock of parents have to start that clock and mark those calendars and wait for those phone calls and messages and letters. I feel for them and I know what they are going through and most will never know that there are many people out here who share this weight.

A problem is that for me and I’m sure many more fathers, mothers and everyone down the line, we have our own clocks and calendars and we all watch them in different, private ways. We all send the same person off, but what this person represents is different for each and every one of us. We all just have no way of knowing what the future holds for our loved one. I know that many people held their loved ones just as long and just as tight as I did that night outside the Barracks in the dark. We don’t want to let them go and curse the forces that make it a reality. These fine young men go, because they have answered a call. Men have answered this call since the beginning of time. There is a need for brave young men to go off to another part of the world to fight evil, this evil naps, but it never truly goes away. We older men curse the fact that we could not stop it, just and many of our fathers and their fathers cursed the same evil. The evil is constant and fine young men of every walk of life offer theirs to combat this evil until for a time, it is beaten into slumber once more.

I wish this new band of brothers all of the luck in the world! I hope this is a clean deployment and they make a difference in this war. Most of all, I wish that they all come home safe and sound to their families and friends. If Micheal is out there listening tonight… please watch after these guys and keep them safe.

I miss you Son..

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I really don’t know what to say really…

Posted by fozzynok on 05/04/2010

I’ve kind of really been hesitant to blog too much about things going on as “going on” was only a part of this blog for me. I do not blog on too many topics other than my perceptions and feelings on the process, progress and failings to do so on the loss of my son. Occasionally I will read through the blogs just to get back to the last days of spending time with my son. Spending the last days with a flag draped coffin which contains one of the most precious people in your life is just something that cannot be described well or even at all. These days, hours and moments run backwards, the clock tics down and the remnants are gone, the memories and the pain subsides and sometimes bringing the memories back of those moments and days makes the pain return, the pain is real and the pain hurts, but through the pain and in these memories of these times brings me closer to the son I lost. It’s probably not healthy in the least, but it is real. The pictures we gather and collect are of such finite supply that it really gives one time to ponder on how few things there are left to cling to. Everyone through the process of living moves on and I’m very happy for everyone to be able to move on with their lives and their dreams. My son is forever 19, he is forever frozen in time. A huge part of me is stuck there with him. I cannot leave him as a huge part of me died along with him.

I read of the losses in the wars and I grieve for their loss and hope that parents, friends and family seeking some explanations and needing help sharing the loss and the weight of the oppressive grief and depression can find me. Some have and some will later. But I’m here to listen and share. A while back I wrote about the AP’s debauchery of blatantly going against the wishes of a young Marine’s parents to post pictures of their sons last moments. There was no reason other that sensationalism and or political vendetta to post the pictures in the press for people to gawk at. Today I got home to an email from WordPress that a comment had been made on my blog. I clicked the link and was just blown away. Here is the comment that was left on this blog about this young Marine’s abuse at the hands of the “drive by media”.

“Joe Cortina said
05/04/2010 at 12:59 e

The only ‘scumbags’ in this picture were (1)the Marine who was murdering civilians in a nation where he had NO business being and (2) ‘Sec of War Crimes’ – Gates – the sadistic bastard who gets his kicks by having helpless children murdered by the tens and hundreds of thousands by our BRAVE baby killers.

Scum like that Marine have disgraced the uniform I wore with honor before he was even born! The Godless child murdering sadistic mercenary scum in uniform today are no beter than Stalin’s butchers or Mao’s Chi-Com killers.”

I will say that this letter really didn’t piss me off as much as this troll hoped that it would. I call this punk a troll because this is all that they CAN possibly be. Joe (or whatever your name is) you really missed the mark dude. The whole “baby killer” thing went out several decades ago no matter how hard you few hippies want to live the old days. I’m not sure what reaction you were expecting from me but You’re really going to be disappointed. You posted this comment on the blog of a father who lost a son in combat for one three distinct reasons 1. You are a troll who gets off on talking smack anonymously so you and your little clan of misfits can compare flames, 2. You did this to personally hurt me .I’m not sure who you are, but Joe, I’ve suffered one of the biggest blows that a father can take and still live on, did you think that this would make me suffer more? Words Joe? Words? That’s rather pathetic really. And reason #3. You did this to get traffic on your blog. Any and all of these reasons are just a big waste of time to me Joe. I have of course forwarded this to a few select people who may or may not be as accepting of your idiotic comments. Have fun with that Joe.


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