Gold Star Dad

The thoughts of a father who has lost a son to war

Archive for November, 2012

Trying and failing on the holidays.

Posted by fozzynok on 11/22/2012

Image

Well another year draws to an end and with it brings changes  in the weather changes in changes in the amount of daylight, and the holidays are here and the all the trappings , emotions and hidden traps around every corner and every box. Today is Thanksgiving. Where I think it is universal for all of the gold star families to gather together and do their best to ignore the obvious and fight with the moment to moment feelings and memories of the past and the moments that we shared with our fallen.

Today I got through most of the day without noticing the empty chair or the hole in the air. We watched some old home movies last night of the kids as they were going through their holiday programs and Christmas festivities.  Little boys and girls living the wonderful joy filled times of the magic of the holidays. Watching them with their little friends singing songs on a stage, their nervous energy barely contained by the teachers who had the patience only dealing with years upon years of these things can bring. We watched the films and remembered and enjoyed the images of things past.

Today was a huge feast full of company, relatives, reminiscing, watching old shows and parades with the family, festivities and loads of food from recipes we have been eating and looking forward to since we had our first memories of Thanksgivings with our own extended families as young kids. All of my kids are getting up there to where they are adults or close to it. The addition of our grandson allows me to look forward to once again living the magic of the season through the eyes of a child. I do miss the magic!

Today was going OK and the hole in the world was put off most of the day. We went out tonight to drive through a large holiday light display that we do every year. The darkness makes the lights really look spectacular and brilliant. Some of the displays are animated using blinking lights. I kind of fell in and out  of a bit of a funk as we drove through the different displays. It made me realize that it was kind of like my mood during the holiday, moments of light and dark. I do my best to do this better every year. Some days I feel successful and other days, I just fail the whole day.

Where ever you are tonight Micheal, I hope you are surrounded by your brothers in arms and are having a ball of a time. You are missed every day.. somedays just more than others.

Advertisements

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Made myself cry today.. dammit!

Posted by fozzynok on 11/08/2012

Expert Infantry BadgeScrolling through Facebook this morning.. came to one of the places that I look at occasionally. I do not really haunt the Infantry sites too much but one page called “11 Bravos” is pretty decent and there are some old ex grunts there too like me who post pictures and such of Ft Benning and a few of otther places I have been when I wore the infantry garb. 

This morning someone posted the question “Who has their E.I.B?” and before I knew it I was posting about the day that I traded Micheal’s CIB for my old rarely seen EIB. and the tears were just there before I knew what was happening. The last few months has been rather trying, between the highway memorial and the Post Office dedication.. I guess this is just starting to get to me. 

My son has my EIB that I earned 5 years before he was born with him.. and its still a crappy trade.Combat Infantry Badge

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »