Gold Star Dad

The thoughts of a father who has lost a son to war

Archive for February, 2015

Promises

Posted by fozzynok on 02/23/2015

Pokey

Tonight is February 23, 2015. At this moment 7 years ago, I was a whole man, a whole person, belonging to a whole family. In a few short hours 7 years ago, the world for me changed. I will probably skirt on some of the ways that we as a family were affected but that is not really even possible. I am just shooting from the hip with this tonight and I may by the end of this post, be a little less than sober.  We all knew a different Micheal, we all shared the same Micheal and we all lost our Micheal.

This is how I live my life it seems and it will probably be this way until I too am gone from the planet. We grow up as humans evolving and choosing who we want to be or who we strive to be. All I ever wanted to be was a family man who raised his kids to be good people. I never planned on raising astronauts or world leaders. I just wanted to raise kids who were good humans who would live, love, laugh and who in turn would raise more good humans to do the same.

When we are handed out sons and daughters mere moments of them taking their first breaths We are at a bit of a loss for sure. We are worried about our wives, but we have been offered a golden moment that should be taken, cherished and never really disclosed to anyone. It is the first talk with a human who you have had a part in bringing to the world. This is a stellar moment that I selfishly took for myself and for my children. Every one of the four! I was handed a fresh, wonderful smelling new human who had no vices, no hatred, a clean slate. I can still smell the smell of the new life..

I took this little stolen moment to do my best to tell them about who I was and what my promises to them were and would always be. I did my best to live up to my word, but the unforgivable and damnable truth is that there is evil in the world and not all humans are born to be cherished, to be loved and to be human. This is a fact that has been a bane to humanity forever and will probably be what ends the species. I made promises to Micheal as he looked into me. I will forever feel that I betrayed him in some way. The promises I made to him, I had no business making.  In a few hours, I get to feel again the exact moment, that those promises became a lie.

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