Gold Star Dad

The thoughts of a father who has lost a son to war

Archive for May, 2019

Have the discussions.. please

Posted by fozzynok on 05/27/2019

It’s Memorial day here in America. it was a pretty long day. My wife and I decided to attend the local ceremony. After the treatment that we have received, we decided to basically just sit in the crowd and just be there for the ceremony and for the few people who we know and respect. This day is always awash in good and bad memories, flashbacks, shadow people and odd recollections. This is what brings this blog today to the front of my mind.

Think about all of the discussions that you have had in your life.. the good ones, the bad ones, the ones that you wish that you would have drawn out, and the ones that you never got to have with the people who have flowed through your lives. I was watching the movie “The Help” and there is a scene where the main character and her cancer stricken mother had a conversation that they needed to have. I have had such conversations with some of the most important people in my life.. and now, for the most part they are mostly all gone.

I came home on leave one year from Germany. I stayed in Class A uniform that day so I could show it off to the family. I walked into my grandpas house and he was so happy to see me, but he was very weak with cancer. He made some comment about getting a hug, but he feared that I would “squish him”. I talked with him for a little bit and left.. I returned to Germany and a short time after that, I received the call that he had passed away.

I had a discussion with my own mother when she was dying with cancer. She was one of the strongest life forces that I have encountered in my life. She was one of my best friends. She would never lie to me.. and she would tell me the truth, no matter how bad the truth actually was. We had “the” discussion. She was in the final stages of cancer. I told my mother a few things that needed to be said. I told her that when she was ready to go, she needed to. I told her that we’d be OK and that she had taught me everything that I needed to be, I told her that I loved her and would regardless of where she was. I told her that it was OK to let go.  I would love to think that it helped her. But I don’t know.

I had a discussion over Myspace with my son one day (night in Iraq of course. We chatted for a little while and he confided in me that he was OK with practically everything over there with the exception of the IEDs.. He feared them more than anything over there. I had come up with something and it was back to history. We loved to share history, and we loved aviation. I told him that this was no different that the Flak that the aircrews over Germany were facing on a daily basis. They hated it, they had no choice but to deal with it.. fly right through it. In less than 24 hours, He was killed by an EFP. I would like to think that the discussion helped him, but I do not know.

I have had discussions with many people, and some people can open their minds and their hearts and make some connection. I find that the number of people that I have to talk to these days are very few. After Micheal was killed (and this is pretty common for Gold Star Families), the list of people who would talk to me, and take the time to listen has all but evaporated. I have my best friend in the world, and he is the friend who sitting in silence is as good as a discussion… they are few and far between. Have the discussions with the important people in your lives.. they surely will be gone from you, and you don’t get to make that call when it will happen. The worst feeling in the world is losing them before you tell them what YOU need to tell them.

Sorry if this makes no sense.. sometimes it happens.

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Ask Americans The Right Question!!

Posted by fozzynok on 05/19/2019

I have seen the same old sabre rattling from the usual sources and frankly I’m fed up with it. I am fed up with the wars, I’m fed up with the excuses and I’m fed up with America’s clueless, idiotic, masses. I have watched with a huge dose of heart sickness and a sort of dread that another worthless war is soon going to be launched by people who love the idea of wars, warfighting and frankly are doing so for all the wrong reasons. They are going to send our military. Our kids, our brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers. For we who have been forever linked, they are sending our family to war for reasons that cannot and will not be explained.

I have been watching the various news polls both scientific and unscientific and there is always a common theme that I have become aware of and it seems that no one else sees this or again, even cares. One of the polls asks if “you” think America should go to war in Iran. Well here’s the rub. At the point that the poll was seen by me, they were up to 58% voted YES and there were another positive response and two less positive and one negative option. Why do they ask if Americans think America ought to go to war? America isn’t going to war. For 50 years or so, Americans are not going to war. Americans who volunteer to go into the various branches of the military are going to war.

Americans.. Just look at them. Are they playing sports or WATCHING sports? Are they going to wars or WATCHING wars? They are generally slobs who when cornered “almost joined” the military. Come Sunday they are slathered in all of their favorite team’s colors and it overflows in their daily lives, they are emotionally invested to a pretty high degree, they will state regularly in public that “they” won (or lost) a game, they dress like a sports player, in their minds, they ARE a sports player. They play video games where they can fantasize about being whatever it is that they want to be.

Americans love wars in far away places because they can watch videos and support the troops and suffer no ill effects at all, they are only slightly invested mentally, it rarely even flows into their daily lives other than buying some “Grunt” T-shirt, military unit trucker’s hat  or having one or more bumper stickers on their car. THAT is the total investment for “Americans”. Sitting on this side of the issue, it’s what I have seen for well over ten years.

Now lets ask the real question. Are YOU reading to go to war in Iran? Are you? Really? Ask the Americans who would go.. Don’t ask the 350 pound thirty five year old with 4 kids.. Don’t ask the old retired bastards who also have never served. This ought to be polled like “likely voters”. Only include those of service age and don’t even mention a draft to the question. Right now, How many 17 – 30 year olds are ready to head to the recruitment office and join specifically to serve in a ground war in Iran?

I am sick of Americans.. I love the geography of the country, there are several places where I can go an I love wholey and am at total peace. But I am so sick of Americans and their isolation, their greed, their entitled attitudes, their insulation from the evil that they spew. I am for going to wars only after a few million Americans are killed right here in this country,,, and I do mean millions, A couple of thousand is nothing, we can absorb that, send our military off to war for two decades and the vast majority of Americans never feel any discomfort in their lives. If America wants to go to war.. Let’s make sure that there is some real reason and Americans are in danger. That’s never happened.. 9/11 was never going to destroy America.. Not even close. We lose tens of thousands on the highways here every year.. We lose at least that many due to injuries or illnesses.. Grief Porn got us where we are today.. And Americans LOVE IT!


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