Gold Star Dad

The thoughts of a father who has lost a son to war

A dog shaped wound

Posted by fozzynok on 11/01/2019

rufus and me

Today I had to take the sweetest dog in the world down to the veterinarian and hold him close as speak to him he was put down.  I can only hope that as deaf and blind as he was, that he could tell who I was and that I loved him. He has been losing ground for some time and I knew that the time had come to stop allowing him to wander around in a dark scary world and let his wonderful soul and personality go to wherever good dogs go. He was my constant companion for the last dozen or so years. It’s pretty amazing considering that I never wanted him in the first place. 

I love animals way more than I love humans and it’s always been that way. Animals have never done anything to harm me, have always been there when I am down and never judge or disown you. I have had far too many humans do all of these things and more and they will continue to do so forever. Roophus the dog was mine whether or not I wanted him at first. I should explain that I guess. Years ago, I had to give a wonderful dog away to strangers.. It absolutely made me never want to own an animal until I owned my own home. 

Roophus was the second of two dogs that I never wanted. The first was Mallory, and She was already a family member when Roophus showed up to be her (and our) mate for life. Roophus was scared of people, he was a stray, and he was treated poorly by some man somewhere, and He was deathly afraid of me for a while. After a few weeks, he started to allow me to be near him, after a few months, he was always near me. 

After my son was killed, He never left my side and took care of me the best he could. He would make me take breaths when I really would have preferred not to. He was a good dog in all areas his whole life with us. His last year was tough for all of us, but probably more on him. His health steadily declined, he started losing his hearing and his eyesight and he started to lose his senses. He could not smell well, he started to lose the ability to lick, and even had trouble’s drinking. 

I knew he was tired, I knew he had run his course, but I was selfish and tried to let him live out his entire life here at home. Yesterday, he started scurrying around the house looking for something, he would scurry, get lost, start barking for help. He did this for a full 24 hours, I couldn’t allow him to be scared and lost anymore. He would tense up and show fear when I picked him and had been for some time. Tense, he was uncomfortable. Today all of that was ended for him. I held him close and I felt him relax, and then he was gone. I am so tired of feeling nothing but loss of the things and beings that I love.


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