Gold Star Dad

The thoughts of a father who has lost a son to war

Archive for January, 2020

The five bullshit signs of grief..

Posted by fozzynok on 01/08/2020

So I was thinking about some things this evening and thought about the supposed five stages of grief which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. This shit never worked for me even though some internet shitheads have asserted many times that I was “angry” in every god damned discussion where they were looking like idiots. I have discovered that as stated many times by people who ARE actually grieving and not writing books about it… We are all on the same trail, but we are rarely to never on the same part of the trail as the next guy… There are some of these things that I never will have. Denial? Pfft.. there is no denying why I am grieving and always will be. NONE.. no denial that the worst happen or that I am grieving.. so that one’s stupid. Acceptance? I accepted the fact that people die in wars.. Infantrymen die more often that most other fields. I accepted this when I joined and volunteered, I discussed this with my son and he accepted the fact that he would be going to war… and that he could be killed.. he wasn’t a fucking moron. I’m not even sure what the Bargaining part is.. so if someone wants to clue my dumb ass in.. go ahead. Depression? I gots it! I gots lots of it, and it ebbs and flows and will till I die.. Now comes the part that I am 110% in right now.. I dodged it with my ridiculously realistic mindset… NOW.. 11 years later, I am angry. I am never far from anger.. its there, and its not going away anytime soon. I am angry at the world.. I am angry at the species, I am angry at my countrymen… and they are not showing any signs of changing their shitty behavior.. so my anger will stay with.. with the depression until I assume room temperature… and I’m kind of ACCEPTING of that.

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