Gold Star Dad

The thoughts of a father who has lost a son to war

Archive for September, 2020

More of the same from me..

Posted by fozzynok on 09/28/2020

Well, its been a while since I have written anything down for this. Life is what it is for me and I have finally given up trying to make it what it’s not. I have realized for quite some time that I have cause all of my own issues. I am no fun to be around. I get it. I have decided to just stop trying to polish the turd so to speak. I throughout my life have always kept very few friends. This probably comes from being a military brat and moving all over the place when young.

I have seen my few friends sort of fade away from me on social media and even during some or our visit as infrequently as they have become. I know that its my negativity and my views on practically everything. I have decided to bail out on most of the social media as it effects humanity so negatively that it should be ratcheted back and even banned in most instances.

I started to pull away from social media over a year ago. I had to start limiting the things that I saw and that I read from people who I cared for deeply because it was just damaging to me and of course, They and I live and survive differently these days. What did it for me was a graphic picture of a blown up Humvee with the remains of some driver splashed all over the insides.. Of course the combat sons were having a grand old time with it.. and I just decided that I had had enough. I wish them well.. but I just cannot do it anymore.

I realized that on social media that no one including my friends were initiating any sort of discussion toward me.. so I just sat back and watched.. and as more and more nothing happened.. I just decided to give up. Numerous times of sending messages to see the person log off instantly really capped off the deal. I get it already.

I am now dealing with the end of life of my father. I moved him into my home and became his caretaker 4 years ago. We were doing really well, then the day after his 85th birthday, I rushed him to the hospital and hes been there ever since. Its a lot to digest and he was my work for the last few years. It’s very hard to watch and experience.. and no one deserves this.

More about my father to come in the near future.

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