Gold Star Dad

The thoughts of a father who has lost a son to war

Archive for September, 2016

Still here, just venting and drinking…

Posted by fozzynok on 09/30/2016


Today has been an interesting day… now the house is quiet, and I’m getting drunk. Today was just another normal day.. A day where things come and go and you fend off things that bother you.. Ghosts and memories get deflected rather than dealt with ┬álot of the time. As I have walked down this path that I have been chained to, I get better at eating and shoving down the things that use to be so bothersome. This gets easier, I got my defense up and deflect a lot of things that should bother me.. Then there are the other things. The things I just cannot prepare myself for because they are normal everyday things involving the every day lives of those doing their every day things. They are unaware, and oblivious because they are just living..

This week as had a few zingers, a few things that just have become “things dealt with”. I work on an old Army Air field where they trained aircrews during WW2. I am also working on getting my fat ass into better shape.. so I walk, I walk as much as possible throughout the day, but mainly a longer walk after work or at lunch. The first thing that got me and broke me was walking by the hangar that they actually pulled the jet into when Micheal came home. As I cleared the front of the hangar during my walk, there was a plane.. being pulled into the hangar, similar in size and shape.. hooked to the same tractor.. and I just melted down.. good thing its a practically abandoned airfield.. That bothered me all week.. its a fucking airport now… they move airplanes around in there every god damned day..

Today was the top of the mark for hitting me in the chops.. I got home to a letter from a laywers group.. well it was appearing as a letter.. but the word “ADVERTISEMENT” was clearly posted all over the damned thing. Apparently some Marine Lance Corporal referred these assholes to us.. its a chain letter type of affair. Now I have a great feeling that this ADVERTISEMENT is mainly due to the assholes in congress overriding the President’s veto of the 9/11 “lets sue the Arabs” lawsuit. So the day after the veto.. the chainmail ADVERTISEMENTS a flooding the Gold Star families mail boxes with military names and our son’s misspelled name in an attempt to goad people into obtaining their “services” to sue someone to gain money.. for themselves. Does anyone in their right mind thing that lawyers are doing things to help their fellow man?

In my opinion these lawyers who send this shit our our lower in my eyes than the terrorists. At least the terrorists are doing things out of some real emotion or insanity to reach their end.. These fucking scumbags are doing this and interjecting themselves into our lives and using the fallen to gain monetary gains.. This probably makes no sense to anyone other than some other drunk old fucker sitting here realizing and proving more and more every day that our son’s life was meaningless to most and now that he’s dead, only a means to make money for themselves or to gain some false feeling of understanding what all this means.. like the excitement or sadness of watching a somber movie or a slasher film. America is full of fake emotions and fake people.

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