Gold Star Dad

The thoughts of a father who has lost a son to war

Archive for May, 2011

I hope this finds you well out there.

Posted by fozzynok on 05/17/2011

I hope this finds you well somewhere out there behind the curtain. I hope that it’s a world of weather choices and bright warm days when you want them and cool foggy ocean weather to close your eyes, breathe deeply feel and taste the weather on your face when the fancy strikes for that. A place where you get to choose your age for the day and dig all the holes, laugh, play in the mud with trucks and pails and build sand castles near the surf of some white sandy beach. A place and day to visit carnivals, zoos and a prom or two. All of the things you never really go to do. A day to visit friends and A place where all of the relatives who never got to know you, get their chance and knowing and loving you at those ages when they too had to make the trip. Their chance to play with and know the little boy, the fine young man and brave solider that you grew to be. I wish all of these things for you.. and someday for us all. I miss you son but someday I know that will build the sand castles with you on the same beach. Happy Birthday Micheal. This crummy world misses you.. but it sure doesn’t deserve you.

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The evil spiteful mind.

Posted by fozzynok on 05/11/2011

Flashbacks are just a part of the new normal I guess. I took our youngest up to the school early this morning to get on a bus for a trip to the state Special Olympics track meet. This is really his first trip anywhere overnight without us. All thus week it’s been prepping for the trip, packing and buying things for the next few days. This was a little trip for a few days and the kid is going to have a ball. Met the bus at the school helped him load his things, talked a bit to the teachers, the drivers as my son milled around and helped with loading things from the classroom into the bus.

I was just dad taking his kid to the bus for a field trip. Nothing crazy, nothing really weird not even a twinge of anything out of the ordinary day. They were all really busy with getting ready to go so I figured I’d leave and head out and let them go. I called Anthony over to give him a quick hug goodbye and was instantly overwhelmed with emotion. The second we hugged, I was hugging Micheal that day long ago and putting him on the bus for Ft. Benning or the “selfish” hug I got with Micheal outside the barracks that night at Ft. Campbell as he was leaving for Iraq. The crushing and unexpected wave of anguish and I guess shame of allowing it to attack me like that at an innocent little event made me pretty angry at myself. The owner of the human mind can be just as a cruel and punishing as anyone or anything else in the world I guess. There is no escape.

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99%ers – Bin Ladin meets his fate.

Posted by fozzynok on 05/02/2011

Got the news last night about the whole Ussama thing.. I couldn’t even feel good about it. Couldn’t sleep at all. This is another 1%er issue for me. After the announcement All I see is the loss of so many good people and the gloating and flag waving by all the posers and band wagon riders who magically now come out of the woodwork to shout slogans and wave flags like they were on board the whole time. Where were they in 2003? Where were they in 2008? The answer is, no where. They were doing what they do best, watching TV and hoping that their pick will win some singing contest or that their favorite bimbo won’t get voted off the island or god forbid that Donald Trump may fire their choice for apprentice. They go eat fast food, they drink their favorite ice cold brew and they don’t give a hoot what is going on outside of their little world. Now..magically “they” have killed Bin Ladin.. They got him.. they were a part of this somehow.. Strangely though.. they did not volunteer, they did not feel the stresses of training, they did not feel the pain, they did not meet a real standard to be welcomed into a brotherhood of men who would watch their backs and trust them to watch theirs, they did not kiss their loved one’s good bye, they did not fly thousands of miles away, they did not feel the fear of any of this.. they did not have to fight, they did not have to watch or hold onto their brothers while they died, they did not have to rotate out of this or rotate back in three, four or even more times. They are still the 99%ers to me.. and they always will be. This so reminds me of the packs of idiots after some championship sports game.. without the funny commercials..Feel good waving that flag.. that’s all some of you will ever be good at.

And for the military men and women out there.. and to our Commander in Chief. Thank you and job well done.

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