Gold Star Dad

The thoughts of a father who has lost a son to war

Fuck You, We won! No fuck you, You lost!

Posted by fozzynok on 10/20/2017

This is something that I have been complaining about and failing for the last 9 years. Probably even before that. I wrote the other day about attending the funeral of a very recent KIA. It already had me in that twilight zone like stupor of “it was like yesterday for me” because of it. The day I was driving home from the funeral, I start hearing the chatter on the news of the latest controversy of many other controversy and saw the battle lines starting to form and heard the chatter begin. I do my best to try and get people to STOP this endless bullshit about the necessity to WIN over these ignorant topics. This latest flap though is different as there is a dead soldier in the middle of the tug of war and again, the win lose crowd and fighting over the rights to the corpse. All the while there is a distraught, confused, angry, proud family stuck right in the god damned middle of this.


I’ve heard it from both sides and of course I am further to one side mentally than the other in this BUT I am stuck in the middle of the two groups as it relates to having these two groups as I think that neither side can even see themselves for what they are doing to the family. These groups have once again lost sight of everything but losing and winning.. They must win, they must be right, no matter what they have to do or what they have to say to do so. In the end, there is still the family with a massive hole in it and absolutely no one is thinking of them. Like most of these events, the opposing sides cannot even tell you the soldier’s name. All they can tell you is that the corpse is their property to win.. They will drag the coffin down the street for their victory lap and eventually when their victory lap is over, they will drop if off at the curb with the rest of the garbage for someone else to deal with as they run off for their next battle with the opposing side.


I keep hearing about the words.. The words were spoken! The words words were not all spoken, the words? The words were spoken, the words were spoken by a politician and they were spoken to a VERY damaged lady.. I have been there, most of you on this page have been there. Words are funny things. There can be a whole lot of them being said at you and when SOME are said, it’s rather irrelevant to what they are because YOU ARE STUNNED by the ones that you HEARD. The rest are not even there. So when the defenders come on to say “but the words that were said” are talking from their point of view with an undamaged mind at the time. They are speaking from the win/lose fighting mind, a focused mind. I can speak for myself that when my son was killed and to this day.. Its not about all the god damned words anymore.. Its about the words that hurt.

Right now while the winners and losers are getting up and getting ready for their battle over the words and ready to win.. there is a flag draped coffin at the center of it and its just a god damned object to these people. To the families of the fallen, its just not. but we nor the fallen matter to the teams.. they don’t hear our words at all.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: